We aren’t done. Not yet.
At least, we hope not.
“3 or 4… God willing.”
When people have asked us how many kids we want, that’s the answer I gave.
When we first starting trying. When we thought we could get pregnant naturally. And even after our first failed IVF transfer of 2 perfect embryos.
But eventually, that question became especially hard to hear when we weren’t yet parents and we wanted so badly to be. When we knew that IVF was our only option to become pregnant, when we knew how difficult of a path it may be. It was hard.
We all have a vision of how we hope our family will look like 3 years from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now. Right? When you are diagnosed with infertility, though, that vision gets a little cloudy, as the “what ifs” are abundant. What if we never have ONE?
But we have been blessed. So blessed by the beautiful miracle of our three kiddos — all the product of fertility treatments at Seattle Reproductive Medicine.
From the time we starting talking about kids, both my husband Dan and I said 3 or 4. So when others asked, we gave the same answer after Brooklyn (now 4). After Jameson (now 2.5). And after Madden, our third (now 1).
With 3 kids, most people assume we are done…
“Wow, you have your hands full.” If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me!
Full hands, fuller heart, though, right?
I grew up with three siblings. My husband grew up with two siblings. We come from large, loud families. Our own family — three toddlers, husband, our dog (especially vocal at times) — is a LOUD household. It’s generally messy. We plan our schedules around nap times. Our Sundays are frequently spent washing and folding what feels like endless laundry. Our recent 6+ hour airplane ride was… challenging to say the least. We can hardly get through 15 minutes of a Netflix at night!
But we are grateful.
I often feel guilty that our treatments have been successful when I know so many others have not been so fortunate.
I know so many others who have struggled with infertility and continue to struggle with infertility. I know so many who aren’t able to afford infertility treatment. And THAT makes me hold on to guilt. So, all I can do is pray for those who suffer and struggle with infertility or pregnancy loss. All I can do is hope that by sharing my story, it allows hope to remain in others’ vision for THEIR family.
We are so grateful to be parents and we are grateful for our imperfectly loud family.
But our vision remains unchanged. And, the answer is now 4 — we hope.
As many of you know, I’ve been very open about the fact that we have done fertility treatments for all three of our kiddos. But DURING the process, I was always secretive. And it felt isolating. I felt alone. I felt like I was having to lie...
Why wasn’t I working out like normal?
Why did I have these frequent doctor’s visit?
Why was I an emotional wreck all of a sudden?
So this time, I want to share my journey.
I believe in the power of prayer and positivity. I have received so much love and support from family and friends when we’ve shared what has happened in the past. But, now, we want to share our present, too.
So, as we embark on our journey towards baby #4, I want to thank you in advance for your kindness, love, compassion & support. Thank you for any positivity and prayers and hope you can send our way!
Have you been diagnosed with infertility or know someone who has?
I want to invite you to join my Fertility Health & Support Group on Facebook. It's a safe environment for those who struggle with fertility issues — whether that is in the past, present, or you know you will endure it in the future.